Im slowly changing, yes changing but in a good way. Im tired of being depressed and im just so tired on how things are in my life. Somethings you cant control but i can control the way i feel and thats exactly what i am going to do. I need to live for me and be as happy as i can be, and not let the saddness take over. I need to get over the shit people say about me or think of me and judt ignor it. Love myself because i am who i am. I may not be perfect but what makes me unique is me. Anyone can say ” Oh your just like so and so ” but truth is no one is like you because eveyone is different everyone in unique and special.
Sooo a BigFUCK YOUto people who like to bring me down.
I really dont know whats going on with me. I dont think iv ever really been in this way. I never thought id be the one to become depressed. I mean yea here and there id be sad for a while but now, this is different. Yea i got teased alot about my weight but never really hit me till high school. Then of cousre is when i started to hate myself. I hated everything about me. I hated my hair, my body, and just everything. The only time i ever felt pretty was when i did my makeup but even without makep everyone should feel pretty, but i didnt. The happiest ive ever been in high school was 9th grade and sadley that was because i was doing drugs, but i got sober and after that things just went downhill. I mean yea it was good, i mean great that i got sober but i was losing alot in the process i lost so many friends and things got different. I felt like my life changed. Through out the years i feel like everything jut went wrong if that makes sense. I hated my body so much i started to over excersie and while that i starting purging. Then when i seen a post my sister wrote about me on tumblr literly just broke my heart and my me worse saying hurtful things about me. So i stoped complaining to people about how unhappy i was with myself and everytime i needed to talk to someone i just decided to cut myself and it helped alittle but i did end up stoping. But i didnt stop the purging. I dont consider myself the type of person to kill myself but yet i cant help but catch myself having suicidal thoughts but i know i dont wanna kill myself yet i still think it. Im not happy with my life i feel alone and its hard to talk to anymore. My grandma gets distracted by the tv, my mom get distracted by her phone and i know my sister gets tired of hearing about my problems. Sometime i just go to the bathroom and cry, most of the time i dont wana get out of bed id rather just sleep in. Im up till 3,4,5 sometimes even 6 in the morning. Its hard when you dont have anyone to talk to because then you just keep things bundled inside and it just makes you even more depressed. I really want to live life in happiness and im hoping soon. Because i hate feeling like this. I know probably none of this make sense but i didnt have anyone to kind tell how im feeling so i decided to write it here